How can I find Joachim?

The best way to find out any info about Joachim's where abouts as soon as it’s 100% confirmed is to follow Joachim's personal social- media outlet (Instagram). Any other info you see or hear is 100% unconfirmed, speculation or rumour. Joachim can’t confirm anything until it’s official as things do change: venues publish possible dates before they’re confirmed, people sometimes hear possible dates and details get confused. Spookpictures will announce locations as soon as we can let you know.

I would like a one-to-one session with Joachim.

Joachim does not currently offer any one-to-one sessions.

I want to be a willing participant / victim / collaborator / audience member for one of Joachim's projects, how can I sign up?

The best way to find out if Joachim needs participants is to follow the social media outlets. It’s not often but if Joachim needs people, he will request through those channels.

I’m having a test / exam / job review and I wanted Joachim to put me in a heightened state of learning to pass.

Joachim doesn’t offer any 1-2-1 services at all. It’s also considered cheating, which is allowed if you’re a wizard but not if you’re trying to pass your brain surgery practical.  If you want to find out brain- washing techniques, there’s plenty you can find online.

I would like to become Joachim's apprentice, writing partner, friend or arch enemy.

You’ll have to ask Joachim personally if you meet him. Feel free to friend Joachim on Facebook or  Instagram.

Do you have any idea when ... (insert ANY question here)?

No Joachim doesn’t – if he did he’d announce it on his social- media outlets and rings his mum and tell her. Joachim doesn’t hoard information, hide it or look to somehow ruin your evening by stopping anyone to find out when somethings going to happen.

Where is the official Joachim's official site?
You’re on it. The site is not a direct point of contact for Joachim. Joachim will not be in a position to always answer emails or requests, given his work commitments and watch- duties.

Does Joachim posses god-like or psychic skills and have messianic abilities?

Watching Joachim may lead you to think that; however, Joachim fuses his knowledge, craftmanship and experience to appear to have god-like skills.

I want to request an interview with Joachim.

If you are an official newspaper, radio station or member of the press or media please use the contact page.

When is Joachim coming to my country?

Joachim will announce other countries in good time. 

I have a condition and I would like to be healed/fixed.

Joachim is not a practitioner of any healing techniques and does not claim any such abilities. You should seek the help of a health-care professional who will be able to offer you the care you need.

Can I get a signed object/photo?

Sending objects to get signed is a bad idea as they can get lost and you then lose your treasured item and Joachim looks like a bad person. 

Do you have a privacy policy?

Yes. The privacy policy can be found here.